took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
