I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
