he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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