I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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