Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
