Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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