That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
ttyl tear gas
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize