yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
