I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
