What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
