How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize