So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
