That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
