just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize