you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
