P.S. I can't hear my feet
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
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