I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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