if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
