Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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