I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
