She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
