I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize