I wish I could teleport
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
