He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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