he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
