Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
