tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize