She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
