You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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