you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
