You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
