Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
where are my eyebrows?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
