all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
