Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
