i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
