No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
smell my finger.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
