omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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