I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
