he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
