i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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