It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
