from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
