Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
send nudes
from the living room?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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