dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I will be naked everywhere
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
