i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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