Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
