Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
