You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
