I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
