Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
