Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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