but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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