Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
