My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize