OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Randomize
