Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
