I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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