i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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