I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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