thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
