I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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