The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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