Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
