why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize