that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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