At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
