In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
