I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
