the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She even gives head with a lisp.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
