So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
