I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
