i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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