a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
