Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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