Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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